Some of my feelings written down

Personal

Am I once again letting myself get hurt, without actually being involved? How is this even possible! I hate my stupid annoying feelings!!!!!!!!!

Snapchat

Snapchat has become an obsession to me. 
ARGH! I don’t want to be this addicted to an app…. 
The main reason is because it feels so much more real and intimate while “texting” people. 
I’ve recently just started “sexsnapping” with someone. Okay, not just someone - the one!
We’ve sort of rekindled what I thought was totally lost and never to return again. I love seeing his username on my screen, the smile that is born on my face when I see his smile or whatever, is unexplainable. I think I’m in love. But then again, I don’t know. There’s also this other guy whom I’ve been in love with the past couple of years and I happen to doubt that I can forget about him, especially because we recently kissed. FML btw. 

Being in love with two people at the same time

Is it possible to be in love with two people all at once?

I don’t know, judging from what I’m currently feeling though, I think it’s pretty damn possible. 

Drawing the line?

When should you draw the line? How do you know when something is wrong and when it’s time to stop doing it?
I have no idea what is happening right now, or why it’s happening.

It’s pathetic really… Totally lame, not even worth mentioning but still I can’t help but to think of it constantly.
If I do it, it would be against everything I believe in (not in the religious way, since I have no beliefs) and I would feel worthless afterwards, if it’s possible to feel less worth than I already feel.

He doesn’t see me the way I want him to see me. It’s killing me somehow because he mean so much to me compared to what I mean to him. 

I can’t let him go just yet.

Moving on

I ended High School exactly 14 days ago, two weeks of non-stop drinking and partying, hangovers that could’ve killed me, but still the best last days of my entire High School experience. I’m gonna miss it. I’m not too ashamed to admit it, I know it’ll take some time getting used to not seeing my friends everyday, and forgetting some of the things I regret. 

I regret way too many things that I’ve done over the last three years. Falling too hard (for the wrong guys), not taking the actual studying part of High School seriously… and failing math, even though I hate math and I’ll never have anything to do with it again. I regret falling in love - that one time… I regret never telling him how I felt (feel), and now I have to deal with him not knowing, and how awkward it would be if I actually told him now. I wont tell him. It would just cause more problems and I’ve already created one last week. 

When I received my graduation cap (in Denmark we wear out cap for two weeks, as a symbol of our education) I saw him…. I walked up to him and we talked. I was without a single bit of doubt, the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had with anyone. It was the first time we spoke while both of us weren’t drunk… He seemed so shy and stumbled upon his words and I just stood there - not getting what was happening. He was, and still is the most popular guy in our school, he’s more than just used to talking to people - especially girls. When it came to me, he didn’t know how to process. As the fool I am I thought that meant something. I was wrong. Again. I’m always wrong when it comes to boys. Anywho - that night we both went out to celebrate our graduation. I met him, and the rest is history - hooking up (not in the complete dirty way). That night I knew for the first time in a very long time, where my heart belongs. I’ve never been this sure before, I want him - every part of him. Another thing I’m also a hundred percent sure about is that I’ll never get him.